Express Lane Lament

After my ice skating class this week, I stopped at the supermarket. I picked out three items -- iced tea, sour cream, and spaghetti sauce. I reiterate: that's three items. As I despise those self-checkouts (give me a fucking discount for checking myself out and bagging my own groceries and we'll talk. Otherwise, if I'm paying full price, I want full fucking service) I stepped into the express lane.

Big mistake.

I ended up in line behind an off-the-boat African family. Probably Muslim, based on the way the woman was dressed. Apparently, basic concepts of MATH are not taught in sub-Saharan Africa.

First of all, "EXPRESS LANE: 15 ITEMS OR LESS" is very clearly marked. This couple's cart had way more than that.

But my primary gripe is when they filled the cart, they had no idea how much money they were spending. Their original bill was something like $62. They didn't have that much money. At which point, the guy started picking up items from the baggage area, throwing them back towards the cashier, and asking in his broken English how much each item cost, and having the cashier remove the item. A good many of these things were ridiculous. Like a loaf of bread, which was like $1.50. Two pairs of socks -- each of which had different prices. Cheap soap. Loofas. Slowly, slowly whittling the price down.

Finally, noticing the backlog in what is ostensibly the express lane, a manager came over. She had the good sense to ask the guy how much money they had. The guy pulled out FOUR TEN DOLLAR GIFT CARDS. Outside of the federal government and shady contractors, how in the hell do you overshoot your budget by 50%? Also, who walks around with just gift cards and no cash?

(Is this a welfare thing, maybe? Charity, perhaps? Giving out gift cards to use at stores? Honestly, I'm asking. I don't know.)

The manager just started grabbing items and taking them off the bill. Finally, she took a big package of raw chicken off and that got them down to $39.23. I remember this specifically, because the manager then took fully two minutes explaining to the guy that he still had 77 cents on one of the cards.

Finally, they leave, and the manager stayed to bag groceries to alleviate the backlog. She and the cashier started talking about the guy:

Cashier: Who goes shopping and doesn't keep track of what they're spending?
Manager: He comes in here all the time and he's a problem every single time.
Cashier: And who does the think he is throwing food at me to take it off the bill? That may work on his Muslim woman, but I ain't her. That don't work on me!
Manager: The guy comes in here every day asking for a job, too.
Me and Cashier simultaneously: SERIOUSLY?
Manager: Yep. He apparently doesn't understand "we're not hiring" or that him making a scene every time he's here makes us not want to hire him. He actually demands we give him a job.

I get checked out fairly quickly, because I'm not a backward-assed fuck. As I'm walking out, the couple is STILL THERE in the cart area by the door, going over every single item in their cart and on their bill.

I just barely made it home in time for House.

Stores need to deal with this kind of shit. People who grossly violate the express lane should be thrown out of line. Repeat problem customers should be banned.

Also, ENGLISH should be required for anyone to get into and stay in this country. Christ, I dated a girl for whom English was her THIRD language and when I met her I had no idea she was an immigrant because her English was that good. (Actually, her English being that good should have been a tip she's NOT from America's educational system.) Cashiers should not have to explain then repeat EVERY SINGLE THING THEY SAY. Nor should they have shit thrown at them just because certain dumbasses can't do math. They don't get paid enough for that. Hell, this guy's English was so bad I'm surprised he didn't start clicking when he was talking.

Not to get too political here, but it's time we do away with the nicey-nice immigration policies and just start taking the smart people. People who are going to be net producers and not net drains on the system. And who aren't going to piss me off.